Right, so you spend years dodging sliding tackles, Premier League defenders built like brick outhouses, and the general chaos of top-flight football. You make it through all that. Retire in one piece. Then one Tuesday morning, some bloke on a pitch roller absolutely steamrolls you.
That's essentially what happened to a former Premier League winger, let's call him Danny, who found himself on the wrong end of a groundskeeper's favourite bit of kit. Not a torn hamstring. Not a training-ground collision. A. Pitch. Roller.
Now, to be fair to the lad, he apparently saw the funny side almost immediately, which is the correct response when you've survived a decade of professional football only to get mown down by what is essentially a massive garden tool.
The details are gloriously daft. He wasn't miles away, he was RIGHT there. Presumably daydreaming, perhaps scrolling his phone, maybe just having a little wander across the grass. And the roller driver? Presumably equally horrified, having spent years carefully tending a pitch only to use it as a weapon against an actual former professional footballer.
The good news: no serious injury. The better news: apparently he laughed it off completely, which tells you everything about the bloke's character. Most of us stub our toe and act like we need a helicopter. This man got run over by heavy machinery and shrugged.
The groundskeeper, we assume, has not recovered mentally and is currently reconsidering his entire career.
Funny old game, innit. You've faced the best defenders in England, and in the end it's the pitch preparation team that gets you. Has anything this wonderfully stupid ever happened to someone you know? Drop it below, we need to know.